I want to cry. I fuckin hate food.

LIAM PAYNE SHOUTED ME OUT ON INSTAGRAM

can still hardly breathe. go look at his IG

liampayneofficial

that’s me in the 2nd pic ;) 

FUCK YEAH holy jesus christ dream came true

AND HE CALLED ME BEAUTIFUL

sigh holy fuck

#one direction  #screaming fangirl  

I don’t have one btw

So lisa told me she heard from people that they saw eating disorder shit on my tumblr…. Lol if you think this is bad, good thing you don’t follow my other blog

Anonymous said: Calm down, Tomorrow will be better, just believe in it! (: x

Thank you, I needed that!! Xoxo :)

and just like that i feel so depressed i could actually cry.

I feel like a sloth right now because i’m so depressed over everything i’ve eaten today.

fuck i wish this didn’t bother me so much. i’m already so much thinner than i used to be, but i want to be thinner .

#fat  #thin  #skinny  #ana  #sad  #personal  

Well hopefully my period is late because of how malnourished i am n bc of all the stress these last few weeks and not bc I’m pregnant… Haha wouldn’t that be something

I hate when you’re hungry or haven’t eaten or whatever and it makes your throat burn like you’re about to puke

That’s happening to me right now. Must drink water to make it stop

sometimes i genuinely think i’m meant to be one of those totally anti-social weird people who just live at their piano and live in sweats and baggy shirts and whose lives revolve around classical music

that’s all that’s every on my mind. piano and not eating. when i’m at my apartment i’m in my room alone alll the time. literally, all the time. i never really interact with my roommates. it’s kind of weird :s i dunno what’s possessing me to be like this. i’m not like this back home.. that’s why i’m so excited to go back, bc this is getting lame. i jsut don’t really have the desire to hang out with them, because they’re best friends and i feel left out. kind of like how they would feel around me n lisa

today i’ve just drank tea n studied n listened to classical piano. i would be perfectly content with my life if i didn’t talk to anyone, and all i did was have a beautiful piano and played it day in and day out for hours on end. i would teach myself so many beautiful pieces and become a master at the instrument. i would only want to talk to the people who are closest to me. ugh i just wish i could do this for at least a couple months, that way i’m all brushed up on piano again. i wish so bad i was in university for piano right now, and i hate myself for being too self-conscious to audition. i would have made it too. ughhhrurigxhcrntrkn nothing frustrates me more in life than that very thought. one day though, i’ll be in school for piano :)

Omfg I love my roommates but to you HAVE TO have loud squealy annoying voices this early….

#one direction  

UGH just tried to do crunches, but stupid fucking tailbone still hurts really bad.

god dammit.

weiudhrcihriubnurgnbkjernktubgk fnrkbngfklvncrwimgnksnaekjfcihawkdjlcnklr nbtjvrhkl 

fuuck

feeling hungry. or rather, my mouth is just fuckin watering for food. so i walked into the kitchen wearing only a sports bra. i had food in my hands but after standing n staring at it for a minute, i put it all back. eriduhriucbntukgnbrjcxj fuck sakes i seriously feel like i’m withdrawling on drugs; i’m so fidgety, need to be doing something with my hands, just pacing back and forth in the kitchen with my hands in my pockets because i wanna eat so fucking bad, but i’m not letting myself.

time to do jumping jacks n crunches and hope this goes away.

#fat  #skinny  #thin